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Afraid to Fall In Love? Here Are Psychological Tools To Help

afraid to fall in love
Afraid to fall in love?

You’re not alone!

Remember: A break up is not meant to teach you: “I’ll never fall in love again.”

It’s meant to wake you up and help you to better understand what happy, safe-feeling love is all about – so you can more wisely find love – and keep love!

Every relationship has 2 LIFE PURPOSES – one is a practical (sexy) purpose   – the other a higher (not so sexy) purpose.

1.DEN OF PLEASURE (THE PRACTICAL PURPOSE) :

It’s exciting to have someone to feel passionate about to share in your journey. Life is a lot more awesome when you have a loving partner by your side. You double the good times. And hopefully halve the bad times. But as for those bad times — they can be very challenging. And it is for this reason that you also need/have a HIGHER PURPOSE for a relationship.

Which brings us to the second LIFE PURPOSE for a relationship:

2. LABORATORY FOR GROWTH (THE HIGHER PURPOSE):

A relationship offers many “ASSIGNMENTS” – to learn lessons on how to become better able to love and be loved – and grow into your highest possible self! Think about that. Every relationship is actually here to serve to teach you how to become your highest self.

TIPS: Get the courage & insights to trust love one more time. Get my FREE BOOK, Prince Harming Syndrome.

All relationships problems have this second HIGHER PURPOSE! They double-duty as ASSIGNMENTS AND AWAKENINGS to help you to discover what you need to work on within yourself – so you can let go of your BLOCKAGES (AKA: LIMITING BELIEFS and NEGATIVE HABITS)- and become your best self.

Unfortunately ALL of us have some LIMITING BELIEFS and NEGATIVE HABITS which limit our ability to grow into our highest selves.

When relationship problems (and break ups) arise they’re there  to CLUNK YOU AWAKE – to motivate you to finally unblock your BLOCKAGES — so you can from that point forward be inspired to allow more love and happiness to flow in your life!

NOTE: Sometimes these BLOCKAGES are also what inspire you to choose partners who are “limited” and not able to give you love fully or easily. I write more about this in an article here on SELF-SABOTAGE!

afraid to fall in love

Basically, when you’re in a relationship, you can’t always be hanging out with your partner in the DEN OF PLEASURE (enjoying erotic and romantic forms of love).

There will be bumpy and boring times, when you and your partner must head into the LAB FOR GROWTH – and seek out the higher purpose for your challenges – and support each other to move forward as your highest selves – stretching yourselves to become even a higher level of higher self!

Unfortunately, the practical (sexy) purpose of a relationship is obvious to most people. BUT… The higher (not so sexy) purpose is usually not so obvious.

This HIGHER PURPOSE is also about learning on a DAILY BASIS to focus more attention on appreciating all the good in your partner – and not just focusing on their negative – so you don’t become what I call a “negative evidence collector.”

NOTE: I write about this more HERE  and also over HERE!

afraid to fall in love
I’ve personally witnessed how my own relationships (and clients’ relationships) have improved once you become aware of  seeing this second HIGHER PURPOSE of a relationship.

For this reason, I recommend you make sure that BOTH you and your partner view a relationship as having this duo-purpose: DEN OF PLEASURE and LAB FOR GROWTH.

If you view relationships this way, then, when challenges arise, and you’re not feeling like hanging out in the DEN OF PLEASURE,  instead of simply running for THE EXIT DOOR, you both choose to head into that LAB FOR GROWTH .

Plus it’s helpful if you’re single to prioritize finding a partner who values growing   – so when conflicts arise they are committed to heading into that LAB FOR GROWTH – and dealing with issues as their highest level of self.

It’s for this reason that I even list “finding a partner who values growing” as one of the top 5 things to seek in a partner in my ebook PRINCE HARMING SYNDROME.

If your partner doesn’t value growing, then your relationship won’t survive because a relationship is only as strong as its weakest moments – how you each handle stress and conflict.

If your partner values growing, during tough times they will be open to  heading into that LAB FOR GROWTH and discussing problems, meeting your needs and evolving… so as to make sure problems don’t keep repeating!

afraid to fall in love

IN SUMMARY:

Even the best relationships can’t survive on just hanging out 100% all of the time in that DEN OF PLEASURE.

Eventually you have to mosey on into the LAB FOR GROWTH – and deal with challenging life issues together.

John Gottman calls this “DOING REPAIR.” And this REPAIR only gets done in the LAB OF GROWTH. 

If you don’t have a LAB FOR GROWTH set up within your relationship, then when the DEN OF PLEASURE starts to feel stressful and uncomfortable, there’s no place to go – except the EXIT DOOR.

When you have a LAB FOR GROWTH, it’s sort of like having a GYM AND SPA AREA FOR YOUR SOULS. When you head into the LAB OF GROWTH together – you healthfully work off the stress.

  • You do some stretching exercises to stretch who you are. 
  • You build up your inner emotional muscles so you develop stronger character.
  • You do the inner work needed to rise up to become your highest selves – which empowers your relationship to rise up higher as well.

Need more support to move forward to find love? Grab a FREE copy of my best selling e-book PRINCE HARMING SYNDROME – an Oprah recommended e-book which also applies to PRINCESS HARMINGS!


Join over 1.5 million loyal fans!

My research-backed happiness tools have been featured on CNN, Oprah, Psychology Today, The Today Show, etc – and will empower you to live a live of love!

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Karen Salmansohn (Founder)

Hi I’m Karen Salmansohn, founder of NotSalmon. My mission is to offer you easy-to-understand insights and tools to empower you to bloom into your happiest, highest potential self. I use playful analogies, feisty humor, and stylish graphics to distill big ideas – going as far back as ancient wisdom from Aristotle, Buddhism and Darwin to the latest research studies from Cognitive Therapy, Neuro Linquistic Programming, Neuroscience, Positive Psychology, Quantum Physics, Nutritional Studies – and then some.

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