Act 1: You hurt me.
Act 2: Because you hurt me, I now hurt you.
Act 3: Because you hurt me, I now hurt you and so you hurt me again and so I hurt you—and downward spiraling we shall go.
John Gottman, the famed founder of The Love Lab (a research lab where couples are studied), says he can consistently predict how long a relationship will last, not based on how well a couple gets along, but by how well a couple doesn’t get along.
A relationship is only as strong as how well couples can deal with their weakest link:
In the 3 act story above, Act 2 represents the big breaking point for whether or not you have a break up point.
The solution should play out like this…
Act 1: You hurt me.Act 2: I explain how you hurt me – describing how I felt about what you did.
I then ask you to see things from my point of view – while also asking you to explain your point of view.
I try to keep an open perspective.
Act 3: You then explain to me why you chose to hurt me – what you were thinking and feeling when you did.
You might choose to defend what you did – but you try to remain open to seeing how you could have done things differently.
The goal for both people should be:
Instead of acting out, go inward and become introspective.
Talk about how you see things – and how you feel things.
Stay open to the other person’s point of views.
When you’re in a couple, it’s as if you’re both team members of a team called “Team Love.”
If you hurt the other, you’re hurting the whole team – and Team Love loses.
Suffered the pain of toxic love? Get tools to let go of the hurt – and develop new ways of thinking and dating – which will lead you to true love with a good partner. Love patterns can be broken – with the help of my NEVER AGAIN PROGRAM .
Hi I’m Karen Salmansohn, founder of NotSalmon. My mission is to offer you easy-to-understand insights and tools to empower you to bloom into your happiest, highest potential self. I use playful analogies, feisty humor, and stylish graphics to distill big ideas – going as far back as ancient wisdom from Aristotle, Buddhism and Darwin to the latest research studies from Cognitive Therapy, Neuro Linquistic Programming, Neuroscience, Positive Psychology, Quantum Physics, Nutritional Studies – and then some.